Before I begin my actual post, Happy Valentine's Day to all!!
Previously, I had a really bad experience in one of the Public Libraries, so I filed a complaint email to the Management Board. After a week or two, I received an email reply from the Manager of the Library (names of the Library and the Manager have been changed to safeguard their privacy).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Previously, I had a really bad experience in one of the Public Libraries, so I filed a complaint email to the Management Board. After a week or two, I received an email reply from the Manager of the Library (names of the Library and the Manager have been changed to safeguard their privacy).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear YuanYuan
Thank you for your email of 25 Nov 08.
First and foremost, please accept our sincere apologies for the discomfort you felt during your visits to our library. It is definitely our aim to ensure that the library remains as a place where you can enjoy some quality time with us amidst a pleasant and comfortable ambience.
The issue of noise in the Library is a concern that we share with you. We seek your understanding that with thousands of visitors daily increasing, especially during the period of the Library's recent reopening, close to ten thousands of visitors had visited the XX Public Library daily, our staff face a daunting and difficult task trying to maintain calm and quiet in the libraries. The measures we have implemented include posters on silence in the library as well as our staff make regular rounds in the library to advise noisy, loud and inconsiderate customers to lower their voices and to stop activities that cause disturbance to others. User education sessions are conducted for new members, especially children and students, to educate them on proper manners and library etiquette. In addition, announcements are made at regular intervals to advise customers to refrain from creating noise or inconveniencing others.
We will continue to stress and remind our staff to be vigilant and step up patrolling /monitoring of activities, especially on the weekends so as to maintain a conducive environment for all our library customers.
Once again, thank you for your valuable feedback and we look forward to your continued support of our library services.
Regards,
ZZ
for Manager
XX Public Library
---------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Basically, I feel that this email has fulfilled some of the 7Cs.
First of all, the element of 'Courtesy' was present in the letter. It showed concern for the reader and demonstrated a clear understanding of the problem that I faced (which was the library being too noisy). The tone was appropriate and the Manager showed sincere apologies at the beginning of the email, and her gratitude towards the end.
I think the email was pretty coherent and concise in explaining the measures that the Library had taken to address the issue. However, I believe that both can be improved further. The email was fairly concrete as the measures mentioned in the email were already in placed. The problems, current measures and future actions were stated clearly in this email. Thus, the email is complete as adequate information was provided and it answered my concerns.
However, the biggest problem that I see in this email was 'Correctness' and 'Clarity'. These problems are particularly prominent in the third paragraph of the email, where the Manager was trying to describe the concern and current actions taken towards reducing the noise level in the library. The grammar and sentence structures can be improved further so that there is more clarity and fluency. For example, the sentence in orange could be rewrite as "With the increasing number of visitors visiting the library, we would like to seek your understanding especially during the period of our recent opening. As such, our staff was also faced with a daunting and difficult task to maintain calmness and quietness in the library".
After reading the email, how do you think it should be improved?
First of all, the element of 'Courtesy' was present in the letter. It showed concern for the reader and demonstrated a clear understanding of the problem that I faced (which was the library being too noisy). The tone was appropriate and the Manager showed sincere apologies at the beginning of the email, and her gratitude towards the end.
I think the email was pretty coherent and concise in explaining the measures that the Library had taken to address the issue. However, I believe that both can be improved further. The email was fairly concrete as the measures mentioned in the email were already in placed. The problems, current measures and future actions were stated clearly in this email. Thus, the email is complete as adequate information was provided and it answered my concerns.
However, the biggest problem that I see in this email was 'Correctness' and 'Clarity'. These problems are particularly prominent in the third paragraph of the email, where the Manager was trying to describe the concern and current actions taken towards reducing the noise level in the library. The grammar and sentence structures can be improved further so that there is more clarity and fluency. For example, the sentence in orange could be rewrite as "With the increasing number of visitors visiting the library, we would like to seek your understanding especially during the period of our recent opening. As such, our staff was also faced with a daunting and difficult task to maintain calmness and quietness in the library".
After reading the email, how do you think it should be improved?
Hieyo! No wonder that sentence is in red. The sentence is too long and you are right in saying that the grammar can be further improved. I do get what they are trying to say. But it's because I read only the key words out of that whole sentence and piece the puzzle together. LOL!
ReplyDeleteI realised, people always refer to the your email or any forms of correspondence with them at the beginning of their reply.
And, I like the length of this letter. (n_n)
Hi Yuan square,
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you that this letter of apology contains the Cs that u have mentioned. Just that in my opinion, I feel that the letter can be a bit shorter.If not, the 3rd paragraph could broken down into a few more paragraphs as I feel that it is a bit lengthy and not pleasing to the eyes.
Lastly, I feel that you have done a good analysis of the letter.
Cheers,
JF
Happy V-day eve!!!
Hi Yuanyuan,
ReplyDeleteThe sentence is indeed quite flawed. The letter said that "...our staff face a daunting and difficult task trying to maintain calm and quiet in the libraries." This phase make me feel that the staff is trying to keep calm and to remain quiet in the library. The sentence needs to be broken into smaller portions like what kalene said to maintain clarity.
Hey Yuan Yuan,
ReplyDeleteLike Bernard, I was also thinking why would the staff need to maintain calm and quiet in the libraries? The long sentence definitely requires further restructuring but from a more optimistic view, I feel that the organization has treated your feedback with sincerity. They did not send you the reply by extracting from a standard template which would otherwise, enhance their clarity and correctness.
Overall, the letter was well-written and happy valentines' day to you too!
Cheers!
Johny
Hi Yuan,
ReplyDeleteYes, I do agree with you that the Manager had shown sincere apologies in the letter and I feel that some sentences can be shorter to make the letter more clear and concise. But overall, the letter had addressed your concern, explanations were provided and reassurance to keep the library more conducive.
I agreed with how you change the sentence in orange. It was easier to be understood. As “We seek your understanding that with …” make me feel like I’m not that understanding enough. Whereas “we would like to seek your understanding” sounds better, as to give the reasons first before asking for understanding.
Hope I’m not making things confusing. :) Have a good week!
Cheers,
Jane
[From Feb 16]
ReplyDeleteHi YuanYuan,
Like Johny, I felt that the tone was appropriate. There may be some conflict between being complete and being concise in this case. The writer listed, as far as I could tell, every single thing the library is doing to reduce noise. Since this was a response to your initial complaint indicating that you were interested in this, I think the writer made the correct decision by erring on the side of completeness.
I must say, your blog has some very alert readers.
Just fmi, are there any corners of the library where you can go to talk and work at a table without booking a discussion room? In other words, might it be culturally acceptable to go to the most out-of-the-way corner of the library and talk quietly?
Not that I would ever dream of talking in the library...
Best,
Matt